No matter how much you love each other, snoring can put a strain on your relationship. If you’re the one lying awake at night as your partner snores away, it’s easy to start feeling resentful. And if you’re the snorer, you may feel helpless, guilty, or even irritated with your partner for harping on something you can’t consciously control.
When snoring is a problem, relationship tension can grow in the following ways:
- Sleeping in separate rooms.While this may be a solution for some couples, it can also take a toll on emotional and physical intimacy. And if you’re the one snoring, you might feel lonely, isolated, and even punished for something you feel you have no control over.
- Irritability due to sleep loss.Disrupted sleep isn’t just a problem for the non-snorer. Snoring is caused by disordered breathing, which means the snorer’s sleep quality also suffers. Poor sleep takes a toll on mood, thinking skills, judgment, and your ability to manage stress and conflict. So is it any wonder that communication often breaks down when trying to talk about the problem?
- Partner resentment.When a non-snorer feels he or she has done everything possible to sleep through the night (ear plugs, sound machines, etc.) but the snorer does nothing to combat the snoring, it can lead to resentment. Working as a team to find a snoring cure can prevent future fights.
If you value your relationship, make it your priority to find a snoring cure so you can both sleep soundly. Working together to stop snoring can even be an opportunity to improve the quality of your bond and become more deeply connected.
Communicating with a partner who snores
So you love everything about your partner except his or her snoring. It’s normal. Even the most patient amongst us will draw the line at sleep deprivation. But no matter how much sleep you lose due to someone snoring, it’s important to handle the problem sensitively.
It’s common to be irritable when sleep loss is an issue, but try reining in your frustration. You want to attack the snoring problem not your sleep partner. Remember that your partner likely feels vulnerable, defensive, and even a little embarrassed about his or her snoring.
- Time your talk carefully.Avoid middle of the night or early morning discussions when you’re feeling exhausted.
- Keep in mind it’s not intentional.Although it’s easy to feel like a victim when you lose sleep, remember that your partner isn’t keeping you awake on purpose.
- Avoid lashing out.Sure, sleep deprivation is aggravating and can be damaging to your health, but try your best to approach the problem in a non-confrontational way.
- Beware of bitterness.Make sure that latching onto snoring is not an outlet for other hidden resentments you’re harboring.
- Use humor and playfulnessto bring up the subject of snoring without hurting your partner’s feelings. Laughing about it can ease tension. Just make sure it doesn’t turn into too much teasing.
Dealing with complaints about your snoring
It’s common to be caught off guard not to mention to feel a little hurt when a partner complains about your snoring. After all, you probably didn’t even realize it was happening. Although it might seem silly that snoring can cause such relationship turmoil, it’s a common and a very real problem.
If you dismiss your partner’s concerns and refuse to try to solve your snoring problem, you’re sending a clear message to your partner that you don’t care about his or her needs.
Keep the following in mind as you and your partner work together to find a solution to your snoring:
- Snoring is a physical issue.It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Like a pulled muscle or a common cold, improving the condition is in your hands.
- Avoid taking it personally.Try not to take your partner’s frustration as a personal critique or attack. Your partner loves you, just not the snoring.
- Take your partner seriously.Avoid minimizing complaints. Lack of sleep is a health hazard and can make your partner feel miserable all day.
- Make it clear that you prioritize the relationship.If you and your partner have this understanding, you’ll both do what it takes to find a cure for the snoring.
- Address inappropriate behavior.Although sleep deprivation can lead to moodiness and irritability, let your partner know that it’s not okay for them to throw an elbow jab or snap at you when you’re snoring.