We have numerous cases of women who, sadly, remain single mothers forever. The average man is scared of a single mother because, among other things, they perceive her kids as baggage and fear the prospects of being sucked into baby drama.
Such is the catch-22 situation most single mothers find themselves in. However, besides the unfortunate societal stigma that these women have to constantly fight, here are seven common big mistakes they make, which end up sabotaging what would have otherwise turned out to be great relationships.
All men are dogs and all they want is sex
A good number of single mothers shortchange themselves by adopting this terrible attitude towards men. How I wish I was perched atop a mountain or a rooftop to shout this point. Just because you had this nasty experience with the father to your children, doesn’t mean all men are ‘beasts’.
Remaining single for so long
It is normal to take some time and stay away from dating, following a break up to recover. However, some of these mums take way too long. Do not cry over spilt milk for decades.
Once you become overly comfortable being a single mum, it becomes an impediment for you to make the switch and get into a new relationship because you return when you are too ‘rusty’ to successfully go through the motions, so to speak.
Introducing your children to potential suitors too soon
It is important to examine how your kid(s) would gel with your new man. But this requires a lot of tact because it can be tricky. Just because a man has claimed that he loves kids doesn’t mean you drag all your three kids to the first date or out of town treat he offers.
Immediately making your new boyfriend a parenting helper
Parenting is a difficult task and I kid you no man wants baptism by fire in as far as co-parenting is concerned. The orientation requires a lot of tact and diplomacy. Try and resist the temptation to ask for school fees the very evening after the first date.
Being a martyr for your children
It’s common to see single mothers repeatedly use their children as excuses not to fully live their social life. Well, we know your kid(s) grabs virtually every second of your free time and the situation is so tricky that even creating time for yourself and some for a potential suitor becomes almost impossible.
But remember you are a social being. Look, ladies always keep your hormones in check when making decisions, lest you end up enslaving yourself and screwing up your social life, just because of your children.
Trust me, there are times when it’s more important to be out there socializing and networking than hanging around the house playing with your kid(s).
Sabotaging the relationship with, “My kid this, my kid that…”
When you are on a date, please, for heaven’s sake, be on the date. Do you really have to punctuate almost all your sentences with tales about your child? Be sensitive and avoid boring your date with countless tales about your kid(s).
Not coming clean about the ex
If there is a reckless mistake single mums always make is hoarding information about their baby daddies. If your baby daddy is still in the picture, let your new man know and get used to it. If yes, in what capacity? Because no man wants to make an impromptu visit, only to bump into some hairy dude in a vest, rolling on the carpet in the name of playing with the children.
That can turn into an ugly scene, complete with bloodshed! It’s also a big scandal to lie that you cut off ties, only to be discovered you are still in communication and even receives cash handouts from him. Bear in mind no man easily allows his woman to enjoy the best of both worlds.